Cash money is already one of the most germ-infested things on earth. The same money that you have in your pocket could have not so long ago belonged to a man who uses his left hand to wipe his butt.
Some customers, it seems, take great joy in ensuring that their money is as disgusting as possible before they slide it across the counter.
Take the following scenarios that are, unfortunately, not hypothetical.
– Runners, sweating profusely from a jog in the sweltering heat (why do people do that?), often hand me soaking wet cash pulled out from their shoes. It’s not personal, but I don’t want your foot sweat on my palms, dripping through my fingers. It really makes me think twice about picking up a sandwich later in the day, even after countless applications of hand sanitizer.
– Men, who do not appear to be sweating, often reach into their front pant’s pocket for a few dollars. In approximately 1 out of every 10 customers, this money is damp. What is the dampness, exactly? Let that sink in for a minute.
– Sickly customers make sure to hack all over their bills and credit cards before handing them to a cashier. As if the money wasn’t dirty enough before they coated it with the flu. And thanks for leaning across the counters in my general direction to spew your contaminated spittle.
– Other customers are fundamentally unaware that money is DIRTY. While searching through their bag for a stray nickel, many a customer holds their cash in their mouth. This is the worst type of customer. Not only are they harming themselves, but they are also disgusting me. Do you think I want to touch a bill that you slobbered all over? You are just not that special.
Call me a germaphobe, but cash is gross. And sometimes, so are customers.
I check you out. 