In the customary ritual of monetary-for-goods exchange, the delightful cashier (in this case, me) asks the recipient of the goods (the customer) if he or she would care for the receipt from the transaction.
sample receipt - I don't work at Wal-Mart
Staple saying: “Thank you, and would you like your receipt?”
Appropriate responses: 1. Yes 2. No, thanks
However, the customer is often uncomfortable with this question. In fact, some are even baffled or startled by it. A cherished few will say “yes, thank you.” They get a gold star. Others blurt out “NO” with vengeance, like I’m offering them a steaming pile of dog crap. The customer is a fickle creature, easily confused and agitated.
If the customer does not immediately respond to the proposed question (would you like your receipt?), a long pause usually follows. Their mouths drop open and a blank stare ensues, like I asked them: what is the square root of pi? Or, who was the third president of Chad? After a few agonizing seconds of sounding a long, contemplative “ummmmm…hmmmmm…,” the customer responds with one of the following.
1. A vigorous nod or head shake.
2. Complete silence, pretending I never asked the question in the first place (I usually take this response as a “no”).
3. A scoff, followed by an exaggerated “noooo” (a.k.a. Bitch, do I look like I want my receipt?)
4. A slew of other creative sayings. The following are a few of my favorites.
“No, I want you to recycle it.” (Besides the fact that this is a blatant order, the customer fails to recognize that there is no recycle bucket behind the counter. Should I stick the receipt in my pocket and recycle it at my house later? I disobey the customer’s direct order. The paper went to receipt heaven, also known as the local landfill.)
“You can keep it, save it or something.” (Really?? I can keep it?! Wow golly gee, mister. Thanks a bunch! I’ll keep it close to my heart, so I can always remember that early June morning when you purchased a Little Debbie snack cake with your debit card.)
“I think I can survive without it.” (That’s shocking. For me, receipts are like oxygen.)
“If the moon says so.” (Beats me. You figure it out.)
Note: It is beyond annoying when a customer tells me they don’t want their receipt and then changes their mind after I throw it away, forcing me to dig through a trashcan filled with identical sales slips to search for one that specifies that they paid 27 cents for a chewy granola bar.
The moral of the story: a simple, polite “yes” or “no” will do. It’s not rocket science, people.
I check you out. 